Create A Healthy Relationship With Yourself First

Dear Soul Sister,

I’ve heard this reasoning before, and while I don’t reject it, I also have no clue what it means:
“Work on yourself, create a relationship with yourself, etc.” Can you clue me in?




Dear Seeking,

Oh sure I can!

We recreate outside of us that which is going on inside of us. Most people have the identity that they are ‘not enough’ and look to outside circumstances to give them value. Some choose material things (you know that ‘overcompensation’ joke about men’s penises and flashy cars? Its not far off, except it isn’t about the penis so much as their feelings about what penis size means about them.)

Relationships are another place this is reflected. While one seeks to be elevated by what appears outside (physical attractiveness and/or material wealth) they don’t feel internally they are worthy of that so they are drawn to those who talk to them the way they talk to themselves. It’s familiar.

Let’s look at the physical abuse dynamic, because it is easy for people on the ‘outside’ to not understand. Person A, say a female, who has low self-esteem (no matter what she looks like) will be enchanted by the suave debonaire person B, say a male, she never thought she could get. He says all the right things in the beginning, plus his looks (or maybe money) make her perceive he is ‘better’ than her and is elevating her. Once he has her hooked is when the charming begins to fade and the jerk begins to show. He begins to tell her the things she believed about herself from the beginning; validating what was going on inside all along. Hence, her relationship with him matches her relationship with herself.

She talks negatively to herself and he talks negatively to her. It validates her self-image. It feels familiar because this is what she thinks of herself.

The good news is that the power is all in the individual’s hands. The more person A has a healthy image of him/herself, the more she/he (guys can be persons A too!) will no longer look to outside circumstances to elevate.

Remember that Soul Sister works with people on just these issues, so if you are looking to elevate your internal world, contact me, please to arrange a complimentary assessment.


Soul Sister




Broke and Broken

Dear Soul Sister,

Can you help me? I can’t afford to hire a healer like you, but I know I need you. I want to have a great life, but right now I can barely afford to keep the lights on. I am on disability and can’t work. I can’t afford to have a better life.

Why does it always cost money to be healthy? Shouldn’t this be something free to everyone? I know you need to pay your bills too, but people like me can’t afford you.


Broke and Broken

Dear Broke and Broken,

Well, you took the first step by reaching out today, so congratulations on beginning to stir up the chi!

The fact that you’ve written to me and not another (unless you have, then I wonder what another’s answer might be to this), means that your soul knows where to begin. I have been where you are. Its not just a story, I truly have. I started with small things I could do myself, like read. And I bought/borrowed every book I could find. I spend afternoons in Barnes and Noble scouring the self-help and inspirational sections. I brought a notebook and took copious notes. I borrowed from the library. I put in more energy personally than I was putting out money.

See, money is merely a symbol of energy. It takes energy to make money, and we use money in place of energy to purchase things. In the barter system, I exchange energy for energy (I do something for you, you do something for me). Money is an agreed upon substitute/stand in for one parties energy. Simple put, I put out energy here (at work) and I use it to buy this here (goods or services). Money marks the energy you put out.

So, when I needed a $1,000 worth of coaching work, I maybe spent $25 on books and really dug myself into them. I didn’t just read them and put them away. I read, re-read, took notes, devised exercises to enforce the lessons if the book didn’t already have them, and applied their concepts consciously to my life. I practiced. Practiced. Practiced. When I didn’t have money at all to spend, I borrowed from the library. Or bought used books for a fraction of the cost.

It is for this reason that I offer something at every financial level. I have free services and full cost services. Of course, there is this free advice column. I have a book for $12 +shipping. The less you put out financially, though the more you need to put in energetically. That’s how it works. You know that saying, “You can’t get something for nothing”, don’t you? Well, that’s what it means. You have to put into it what you want out of it. If it isn’t money, then it will be energy.

You make the most of the opportunities you are given. The problem comes in that often times, people do not appreciate what they get for free. They are stuck in that ‘broke’ mentality and do not value the opportunities that come to them at low or no cost.

I have a free facebook group where you can find free support

I also offer readings that are full of guidance for your spiritual destiny path. While I have some elaborate spreads, I also offer the option that you can tell me what you can afford and I will do a reading within that range. You will get valuable information from any reading you get from me. The key is to use that information with much enthusiasm, follow the advice, make the necessary changes which will bring more gain to you. When you can afford more you can purchase another reading, bigger, and get more information etc… I have also been known to barter for readings and healings.

Here is your first piece of free assistance from me. Never ever again, say you are broke and broken. It is a lie you’ve told yourself based on information from tainted wells of society that you drank from. You are abundant in many ways and not broken in any form or fashion. Those scars you think you have are actually beauty marks.

Hope to see you in group!


Your Soul Sister

“What did I do to make you turn on me and hurt and betray me?”

Dear Soul Sister,

Emotionally am all over the shop and it revolves around the same issue which just doesn’t seem to want to go away no matter how much I work on it. Wishing I still had certain people in my life. I think the hardest part of my journey over the last few years has been to understand and accept that people come and go for whatever reason. I know the saying people are here for a season or a lifetime.

Those who left me, left without explanation. And to this day this has been hard for me to accept or understand, and I am left to deal with this mess of people’s choices. What did I do that was so bad? And those who turned on me and revealed their true colours, I also ask the question of “what did I do to make you turn on me and hurt and betray me?” I believe that if I had answers or at least a small bit of information, it would help me to deal with all this. And with all the forms of healing I am doing, this still plagues me and I honestly wonder if I will ever get past this and completely let it go and live a happy and fulfilled life or will this keep making me feel like I am the worst friend/ person ever?

At the same time I am angry at them for being dishonest with me and not telling me until it was too late if I caused an offense. You would think that those who claim to love you would have the balls to say something right? And when they suddenly leave there is nothing but loss, pain and confusion left behind and you have to deal with that shit and chaos and it shouldn’t be something that is yours to deal with. You are the one who is stuck with their conscience dumped on you while their conscience now remains clear. This absolutely sucks.

I feel as if I have had to deal with this my whole life and I can’t do it anymore because it is keeping me stagnant and I can’t move forward with my own life and happiness, and it is sucking the energy out of me to do the things I want with my life. I am not strong enough for this anymore.

Tortured and Tired

Dear Tired,

This is evidence of a reflexive directive that states you have responsibility for anyone other than yourself.

Take a look at your life through binoculars, from far far away. If you think you could’ve done something wrong to make someone stop loving you, ask yourself how many times someone else has done something to make you stop loving them. Has it ever happened? If not, then where does this thought of responsibility come from?

While people will threaten you with withholding their love, that isn’t love to begin with. They were using you and when they were done, they didn’t have the courage to come out and say that, so they made it about you. But it wasn’t.

What others do to or with you has nothing to do with you, It is and always will be about them. Think about yourself and how you operate. When you are preoccupied with these other people, are you still your loving happy self with others? Say the clerks at a store? Or are you so wrapped up in your pain that you might be short tempered, or gloomy, or irritable with others? Are those people then to look at you and ask ‘what did I do to solicit that?”

The bad habit of looking at life as if you are the center of someone else’s life (which is indeed what you are saying), is preposterous. We are the center of our own lives and play only supporting roles in other’s.

If people have left you it is for a number of reasons. If they died they either 1) finished their work here (even if it looks undone) or 2) they hastened their end by allowing negativity (fear) to eat them one way or another. If they walked out on you it is for one simple reason…their frequency no longer matched yours. Now this can happen for one of two reasons; 1) you raised your vibration or 2) they raised theirs.

I’m not really sure what you mean by them dumping their conscience on you and theirs being clear. No idea at all. However, if I surmise, I think you are misusing the term conscience and really mean they dumped guilt on you. Oh, no, you are doing that yourself.

Guilt is a super sneaky passive aggressive technique that we are conditioned to respond to. If you have no place for it, it cannot take root in your garden. There is NO point to guilt other than to manipulate another into acting in a way desirable for your own gain. If you feel guilty its because you’ve bought into the notion that you are responsible for anyone other than yourself, and I already addressed that.

The only information you need is to know that you and only you are responsible for the way you are feeling. When people show you who they are believe them (Maya Angelou), say ‘thank you’ and leave it at that.


Your Soul Sister

Victim No More

Dear Soul Sister,

Why does almost every person who comes into my life end up flaking on me, ignoring me, abusing me or mistreating me in some way? I hate feeling victimized, but it’s kind of hard not to given the circumstances that continually appear in my life. People have absolutely no regard for my feelings, following through on commitments, etc. I feel so alone.

Victimized and Alone

Dear Victim-No-More (your higher self),

The one thing all these people have in common is you. Somehow, in your early life, you were given the role of victim and you learned it well. But guess what? You can unlearn it!

You have to start looking at yourself. YOU are inviting these people in. What about them feels familiar to you that you keep drawing unworthy people in? What about you has them earn your trust when not worthy? What early signs of behavior patterns do you consistently justify or ignore? How is your communication in relationships? Are you really saying what you think you are saying?

Your experience of life is created by you. Your external environment is a reflection of your internal environment. These are things a life coach or spiritual advisor helps with.

Start asking yourself questions like “Where do I allow them to flake, ignore, abuse and mistreat me? Why do I not draw the line at the FIRST or THIRD episode? Do I have regard and respect for my feelings even if I can’t justify them logically? Do I follow through on my commitments? What about making a commitment to myself?”

Holding yourself accountable for your choices in relationships and people with whom you associate will have a greater impact than anything else you have ever done.


Your Soul Sister

Career Urges

Dear Soul Sister,

I have been in the medical profession for many years. In the past six months or so I have had an unrest and the urge to change careers. This venture seems to let my soul sing. Does this strike you as odd or will things like this happen as we grow?

Florence Soulsinger

Dear Florence,

How many clothes do you still have from when you were 18? I’m guessing none. Not many things in our lives stick with us ‘forever’, so why would we expect our careers to? If you are getting urges from your soul to sing elsewhere then take the experience you’ve gained, say thank you and go off to soar! Life is not linear and is not meant to be lived so.

Much of dissatisfaction in life comes from thinking it ‘should’ be some way that our soul is not content with. The only way life ‘should’ be is filled with joy. That’s it. Whatever brings you that joy, follow THAT!

Expect more and more of this type of unrest as you grow. Its kind of addicting!!!


Your Soul Sister



Important Message from Keeper of Sacred White Buffalo Calf Pipe. – Chief Arvol Looking Horse

Please, energetically support our brothers, sisters and Mother Earth

Make No Bones About It


I, Chief Arvol Looking Horse, of the Lakota, Dakota, and Nakota Nations, ask you to understand an Indigenous perspective on what has happened in America, what we call “Turtle Island.” My words seek to unite the global community through a message from our sacred ceremonies to unite spiritually, each in our own ways of beliefs in the Creator.

We have been warned from ancient prophecies of these times we live in today, but have also been given a very important message about a solution to turn these terrible times.

To understand the depth of this message you must recognize the importance of Sacred Sites and realize the interconnectedness of what is happening today, in reflection of the continued massacres that are occurring on other lands and our own Americas.

I have been learning about these important issues since the age of 12 when I received the Sacred White Buffalo Calf…

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Visits from Beyond

Dear Soul Sister,
My grandmother passed 10 years ago. Lately I have been seeing her in my dreams. She was wheelchair bound and is now dancing and kicking up her feet. I always awaken with a smile on my face. Last night she told me that life is short and to get out there and enjoy it. Is this for real or I am I just making it up?
Dreaming in Des Moines
Dear Dreaming,
You are not in fact, dreaming. Nope. Our loved ones who have passed often use our dream time to visit us and give us messages.
When we are awake our busy ‘monkey minds’ are too logical and conditioned to ‘see’ what is around us all the time. Our sleeping minds are already traveling through the veil. We can do all sorts of things in our sleep; astral traveling, lucid dreaming and even entering other people’s dreams.
So, it is natural that our loved ones on the other side would use this gateway to get our attention. Your grandmother appears whole and in good health to let you know that she is no longer bound by the limitations of her Earthly body.
Enjoy your Grandmother’s visits! They could stop at any time.
Your Soul Sister